I found the wording of "All of Grace" by C.H. Spurgeon on Pages112-113 to be up-lifting & what Christians go through. So you are not alone. "This is true of the most gifted of the saints -- of those men at Corinth who were enriched with all uttance & with all knowledge. They needed to be confirmed to the end, or else their gifts & attainments would prove their ruin. If we had the tongues of men & of angels, if we did not receive fresh grace, where should we be? If we had all experence till we were fathers in the church -- if we had been taught of God so as to understand all mysteries -- yet we could not live a single day without the divine life flowing into us from our Covenant Head. How could we hope to hold on for a single hour. to say nothing of a livetime, unless the Lord should hold us on? He who began the good work in us must perform it unto the day of Christ, or it will prove a painful failure. This great necessity arises very much FROM OUR OWN SELVES . In some there is a painful fear that they shall not persevere in grace because they know their own fickleness. Certain persons are constitutionally unstable. Some men are by nature conservative, not to say obstinate; but others are as naturally variable & volatile. Like butterflies they flit from flower to flower, till they visit all the beauties of the garden & settle upon none of them. They are never long enough in one place to do any good; not even in their business nor in their intellectual pursuits. Such person may well be afraid that ten, twenty, thirty, forty, perhaps fifty years of continuous religious watchfulness will be a great deal too much for them. We see men joining first one church & then another, till they come full circle. They do everything by turns & nothing lasts long. Such have double need to pray that they may be divinely confirmed, & maybe made not only steadfast but unmoveable, or otherwise they will not be found "always abounding in the work of the Lord." All of us, even if we have no constitutional temptation to ficleness, must fell our own weakness if we are really quickened of God. Dear reader, do you not find enough in any one single day to make you stumble? You that deire to walk in perfect holiness, as I trust you do; you that have set before you a high standard of what a Christian should be -- do you not find that before the breakfast things are cleared away from the table, you have displayed enough folly to meke you ashamed of yourselves: If we were to shut ourselves up in a one cell of a hermit, temptation would follow us; for as long as we cannot escape from ourselves that within our hearts which should make us watchful & humble before God. If He does not confirm us, we are so weak that we shall stumble & fall; not overturned by an enemy, but by our carelessness. Lord, be thou our strength We are weakness itself."