Joke for you

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages."Momma, look what I found," the boy called out."What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.With astonishment in the his voice, he answered, "It's Adam's Suit!" The Red Wagon It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. The pastor of the church was looking over the naivety when he noticed the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures. Immediately he turned and went outside where he saw a little boy with a red wagon and in the wagon was the figure of the infant of Jesus. So he walked up the the little boy and said, "Well, where'd you get Him, my fine friend? The little boy replied , "I got him from the church." "And why did you take him?" The little boy replied, "Well about a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas I would give him a ride around the block in it." Author is Unknown God, Are You Listening? A man was walking through a forest pondering life. He walked, pondered, walked, and pondered. He felt very close to nature and even close to God. He felt so close to God that he felt if he spoke God would listen. So he asked, "God, are you listening?" And God replied, "Yes my son, I am here." The man stopped and pondered some more. He looked towards the sky and said, "God, what is a million years to you?" God replied, "Well my son, a second to me is like a million years to you." So the man continued to walk and to ponder... walk and ponder... Then he looked to the sky again and said, "God, what is a million dollars to you?" And God replied, "My son, my son...a penny to me is like a million dollars to you. It means almost nothing to me. It does not even have a value it is so little." The man looked down, pondered a bit and then looked up to the sky and said, "God, can I have a million dollars?" And God replied, "In a second." Author is Unknown YOU MIGHT BE IN A COUNTRY CHURCH IF . . . 1. The doors are never locked. 2. The Call To Worship is "Y'all come on in!" 3. People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the ark. 4. The Preacher says "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" - and 5 guys stand up. 5. The restroom is outside. 6. Opening day of deer hunting season is recognized as an official church holiday. 7. A member requests to be buried in his 4-wheel drive truck because "I ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get me out of". 8. In the annual stewardship drive there is at least one pledge of "2 calves". 9. Never in its entire 100-year history has one of it's pastors had to buy any meat or vegetables. 10. When it rains, everybody's smiling. Statistics If a church's average morning attendance is 100, how many will attend a Sunday evening service? (Answer: about ten) If a church's average morning attendance is 2,500, how many will attend a Sunday evening service? (Answer: A Sunday evening what?) Pastor Price has been at First Church for three years, and attendance has been growing at a rate of 11.3 percent annually, volunteerism is up, the budget is balanced, & the bathrooms painted. What percentage salary increase can Pastor Price expect? (Answer: He will be fired for painting the bathrooms without calling a congregational meeting.) When listening to a colleague preach, what percentage of pastors are convinced they could do a better job? (Answer: 63%. The rest aren't listening at all.) What percentage of a pastor's time is spent in each of the following areas?A. Prayer (Answer 3%)B. Study & preparation (Answer: 8%)C. Member care & counseling (Answer: 5%)D. Leadership & Administration (Answer: 2%)E. Little things pastors were not trained for, rarely understand, & are not in any job description (Answer: 81%) A church had to hire a new pastor. Over the protests of one vocal male member a woman was hired as the new senior pastor. After the new pastor had been there a few weeks, a member of the congregation offered to take the new pastor fishing. The vocal objector reluctantly agreed to allow them to use his boat and to go along. The trio got into the boat and motored out on the lake. When they got ready to fish, they realized that all their tackle had been left on the dock. One of the men commented that they would just have to go back and get it. The new pastor said that wouldn't be necessary, and she got out of the boat and started walking across the water toward the dock. The old grouch said, "See I told you we never should have brought her fishing. She can't even swim!"